Friday, February 25, 2011

I read here once in awhile only to find myself haunted by the things that happen in the past of the course of two people falling in love out of chance and then out of it with circumstances that surrounds and kills it.

I feel lost. And guarded against all of it. And I don't know what I'm doing anymore, I just want to feel safe. Which I am finding again. But on some days, only to feel like someone knocked me down and reminded me how all of this is going to hit me in the face one day and return to eat me out. I don't know what to do anymore.

Truth is, I've learnt to let go of what happened. And I'm having a good time moving forward. It's just weird how moments can hold me back, but slowly, despite the occasional upset, these moments are starting to fade. And I start to remember lesser and lesser of everything. I stop thinking about it completely. 'Cept on the days I get reminded of how it all came to an abrupt halt, I just don't.

I thank you for trying, and I want to feel like it was okay that I gave it my all because I meant it. But today, I want to put all of this away. And so should you.

Make it easy for yourself. Because I was lucky.

Labels: calm, thoughtful

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Sometimes I feel like I forgot the past and moved on to the present... But there are traces of the past that never stopped haunting me. But I keep running forward anyway, there's no time for stalling.

All I ever needed was to be happy and to feel appreciated. That's all.

I don't miss any part of it, I just wonder why it had to be that way.

Good day Monday, August 30, 2010

We dreamed in heist

We never did, we only tried, we only hoped for something good.
Anyway I think I've made an official move to tumblr. Quite like it there and omg my basketball dreams are returning, need to get amped to improve and get better finishings already.

God this stomachache is killing HAHAH. And did I mention I really hate stupid drama, so pointless and ridiculous. I liked YOG toooooo much!

Realized I haven't been blogging for a really long time. Used to do it everyday until I suddenly lost the time to do it over the past semester and got hooked on reblogging.

Man I need to reorganize this post but honestly hahah, nah, I'm not going anywhere.

Goodbye!

R

Friday, June 25, 2010

Crazed emotions.

I've had enough of battling with all of what's around me. I need a breather. No one really gets it anymore. Why do I care? Why do I try? I just need some space. Some time. Something to calm my nerves and bring it all back.

Mae has been awesome, but my life... has been stupid.
I just want to bring myself back to the start where I knew nothing but a blank space of happiness. Where I just liked things the way they were, and didn't have to think so much.

God you're always putting me in a spot. So make my life better in 5 years time. K thnx.

R

Labels: liberation

Enclose me Thursday, June 10, 2010

So the question is...

to move or... not to move?

Have been utilizing this space for so long, it's followed me through good and bad and all time round, but I think it's about time I let it rest... It's been really long. And tumblr's doing good to me hahah oh damn. But then again!

School has been draining as usual! Haven't had the mood to blog much, so thus. Just going nuts trying to figure out what I want my life to be like. Kindda got the hang of going with the flow, having fun with my little bubble of joy and then knowing I can always turn things around if I want to, because honestly, it isn't too hard if you always try.

I'm so tired I need to sleep. Alright, soon after PR! (:

R

Monday, May 10, 2010

I'm fucking breaking.

Please, save me.

R

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Runaway, runaway!

Hello blogger don't die hahah ok I kid. School has been seriously too hectic for my own good, ups and downs along the way but that doesn't mean I'm gonna die. Swear I need to set myself back in the mood before I get too screwed damn.

Alright VERY TIRED NOW zomg, but had an easy one, caught the Runaways movie premier (swear it was damn random cus I managed to win tix by saying I wna be an astronaut like the one in Armageddon) but okay whatever hehe. Awesome shit but I need to sleep.

GOODNIGHT!

R

Labels: tired

Saturday, April 24, 2010

Super tired much and only one week of school has past. There's still another 15 more weeks ahead zomg save me save me save me I am going nuts already. So many damned things to juggle >:
Have been tumblrin' quite abit, not alot, gaaah. Quite lost the drive to blog already. Guess I'm just too tired in general and too comfortable with my life already aaaahhhhh. This is so not cool.

Sidetracking a little, HoeMingJun is damn irritating and stupid but still Luv hahah.

I'm graduating in about a year's time... Hopefully nothing goes wrong man damn! And overseas intern, HERE I COME MAN.

R

Labels: tired

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Is my love, your drug?

Hello there, haven't been blogging here for a long long long long long time and I am about dying. This holidays have been rather productive, focused mainly on my basketball and work as well as re-organizing my energy levels here and there, good embargo from the world and getting back on track. Feels good, feels awesome to be back, in control and more ready than ever.

Been tumblring at astrylnaut! Very fun stuff, hahah, finally got in the mood. Feels good to let out all emotions through picture instead of plain old words, I quite like the concept hahah. And I need a new hair color, grow hair grow I hope you hurry grow! I need long hair, pronto!

School's starting next week, I'm starting to feel a little bit of the pressure coming down on me already. And my procrastinator attitude will start to be a bitch I should really get a hang on myself.

In any case, youth cup's fast approaching too, and I don't know if I'm even ready for it. I'm worried actually, I just hope everything will be good (: I believe it will be.

And I should have to say, things are rough but that doesn't mean we won't get better (:
I love you.

Trust is powerful, we all know that.

R

Labels: ready

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Labels: overwhelmed

Monday, March 29, 2010

Better get high/
I don't know what to say or what to do, except to be next to you, in silence, in salience. It keeps me guarded, keeps me sane, and it keeps me at best.

Then again, you could be my all, break my fall or probably be the one pushing me off the ledge.

I am tired, trial camp was such a crazy thing to be at and I have died from the heat of the sun. Feeling super weary right now and I just want to forget about the break of the dawn tomorrow and sleep in. My Sunday was eventful, was hanging out with Dad and finally got my ankle brace after one million years, drank my fav bubble tea, had awesome food and headed home for some awesome television action before I decided that it was important to start cracking on some designing. I have yet to start collating the numbers. My life is awesome.

There are so many things to do, so many things I want to say. But I'll just keep mum for now, it makes me feel... safe. It feels... out of place, yet, safe. Everything is becoming a paradox, it scares me, but then again it all puts my mind to ease.

Am I going crazy now?

R

Labels: confused, happy, tired

Friday, March 26, 2010

Soul searching, your body's breaking.

I don't know, I just want to laugh away. I've been jealous, been unreasonable, been crazy, been just going nuts predicting my future and thinking so hard. But I realized... So what?

I've made some crazy mistakes in my life that I truly hope to erase. But now I'm standing here, taking a look at myself in the mirror and thought, how can I erase all of what is already a part of me? Who am I trying to kid? How can I believe that this is what I really am?
I can't.

But I think it's no excuse to not stand up, walk away and emerge stronger. If I don't, I'm only going to let myself down.

We'll take it as it comes, I believe in fate, destiny and some hi-fidelity hahah.

So I was out having a couple of drinks with my cutesy colleagues and bosses (: So happens that one of my bosses, Sharon was an ex-mcmer and Mr. Ramani was her lecturer too hahah. The world sure is small. The rest were really funny, hahah especially retarded Serling hahah, forever keeping me amused ok hahah! So glad I got the chance to be working at Rockstar, the people are really awesome!

As of now I am very hyped about scoring an overseas internship, 5 months sounds like awesome breathing time (: Alright, trial camp tmr, gna turn in now!

R

Labels: excited

Saturday, March 20, 2010

Oversleeping/

Can't wait to be up on the Eiffel tower for real, super hoover damn excited to be 25 and traveling around the world right now. Just kindda wanna do crazy random things in a foreign place, meeting new people and laughing my heart out. Ohhhhhhh the fun! And yes, I'd be basking in the glory of the prettiest rays the sun ever shone! Can't wait to be out there now.

And when I think of all these crazy things to do, reality starts to hit my head... It's like a million tonnes of emotion just bundled up in my stomach and sunk right to the bottom of my feet, with a crazy sensation around my toes, as if all that hesitation was about to come through bursting with a really... I don't think I can ever put all of that into words, can I?

Haven't been blogging alot lately hmmmm, guess I kindda lost the drive here and there with Twitter and its wonderful function of micro-blogging. Quite loving the idea of it.

Results have been wonderful, kindda hyped I did not too bad this semester, finally out of the average zone for once out of my two years in MCM, but then again, that isn't a pretty sign either, I look stupid everytime my eyes scan the letter and realize my cumulative GPA is really thrash, oh my, eat me alive right now please.

Okay, but what doesn't kill me only makes me stronger than everrrrr! (: So I'm pretty much alive and kicking, living and breathing, just don't even try to bring me down ever again.

Anyway, I had training and a friendly match today and I think I am starting to get the hang of the tacticals already, feeling less out of place and more ready to be performing when I am given the chance. Sir says I can be back bouncing around with them during friendly matches next week, hopefully the game on Sunday wouldn't get canceled!

Sidetracking a little, Bird was in the opposing team HAHAH! What a coincidence! (: And I finally got my babyyyy iPod nano back (my first ever iPod hehe) after like one million years :D Ok, no, it's about 2 years already but yes, VERY LONG OK.

And Sir asked if I was disappointed with Kai Xuan, that I haven't been given enough chances or attention or anything like that... But I think the team's supposed to be the one that's disappointed with me and my performance.

I haven't been contributing significantly, neither do I possess any of the skills or basics, or the right qualities, especially the selflessness that every player should be having for the game. In fact I have been very distracted from the game, unfocused for the past two months, trying to find my way, and feeling very disheartened from my injuries and the declining standard for my game when it's already bad as it is. But I will continue working hard for the team yes! Thank you team, I will give you 101% when I can (:

Work at Rockstar has been awesome, loveeee my funny colleagues! (: My days thinking of an awesome website isn't too bad either, and prog comm has been quite pleasant. Oh and not forgetting the crazy amount of meditation and reflecting on life has kindda widened my mind... Hmmmm, we'll see.

Que Sera, whatever will be will be!

Current musing = I'm from Barcelona (thanks to Ellie telling me they are awesome and then playing it in store and Serling going on and on about how she loves the Oversleeping soundtrack [she didn't know what who was the artiste/ what the track was so I went to find it]) and Kings of Convenience (Yup after listening to it everyday of my life while working, how can I not)

Can't wait to just feel the same way and have the best feeling in the world, again (:

Alright guys, live life, be happy, and fuck the rest of the world already. Very long blog post here, but I'm not gonna fucking give a shit about stupid things hahah bye!

R

Labels: happy, ready

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Trying/

We're all living on a drug high, feeling scared to admit to our feelings, feeling scared to lose out to what people say, feeling scared that we will end up hating our guts.

Tonight I made a decision my heart will hate me for.
But I believe someday, it will all come back if it was meant to be.

Love will find us, once again, if the Gods say we could make this right.

I love you.

R

Labels: tired

Thursday, March 11, 2010

I'm sure if it's all meant to be, everything will fall in place. God has a plan for all of us and I'm merely following it.

Time will tell, and will provide all the answers my heart are looking for.

I love you.
And I hope that speaks louder than anything else everyone's said.

R

Labels: ready

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